The Sunday Magazine: What Comes After?

Posted on by in Mark Behnke, The Sunday Magazine and tagged , .
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I have been having a hard time focusing on writing for the last 24 hours. When I got home from work on Friday night I checked into my Facebook news feed to find that my colleague in perfume writing Tama Blough had passed away earlier in the day. For those unaware Tama had been diagnosed a few months ago with a terminal case of cancer. Her friends who spanned a number of different communities, including perfume, all donated to a fund so she could live her last months on her own terms. That effort was successful as Tama passed away in her apartment surrounded by the things in her life that gave her joy. Most of us will never have the chance to make sure our final moments are as well lived as Tama’s were. I know this makes all who helped this come about feel better about her passing. But yet I am still sad and I know I shouldn’t be.

I only met Tama in person one time and it happened a little less than a year ago at Esxence in Milan. We had worked together as editors for the perfume blog CaFleureBon for a little over three years. She was a constant joy to work with as she always treated the work we did together on the blog as something worth doing. We connected over our mutual passion not only for perfume but our desire to talk about it and communicate about it. We both enjoyed giving early reviews to debut perfume lines we thought were good. She would happily relate when she would receive an e-mail from an independent perfumer thanking her for the piece she wrote. It was the kind of feedback a lot of writers don’t receive, they are more used to the less desirable kind. Tama never received any of the less desirable feedback because she was a genuine person. That is an extremely rare quality. Tama didn’t have ulterior motives or hidden agendas she lived her life pursuing her passions with a refreshing honesty and they were part of her. Think of how many people exist in your life for whom that description applies. I would suspect most can count that on one hand.

tama and yosh

Tama (l.) and Yosh Han

This is why I think Tama’s passing is bothering me because there is one less genuine person I know. Another person more well-known than Tama passed away due to cancer this week; ESPN SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott. Much like Tama he was able to co-ordinate his final days so he continued to work right up until the very end. Earlier in the year he gave a speech when he received an award in courage. His words apply to any who have lost people to cancer and there are three thoughts he observed that I am going to finish with.

“Our life’s journey is really about the people that touch us.” I don’t think Tama wasn’t aware of how much she was adored in her various communities. The outpouring of love from all corners of her life allowed her the opportunity to see that as she finished her life’s journey.

“Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight, then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you” Those who came forward when Tama needed to lay down were instrumental in allowing her final days to be the best they could be. I want to thank the team behind the Give Forward effort: Nina Zolotow, Heidi Schroeder, Ruth Kaminski, Brooke Baird, and Elizabeth Dietrich; plus others who are not listed who stood up as Tama had to lay down. All of you should be proud of your efforts on her behalf.

“When you die it does not mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live…..Have a great rest of your life.” This is something I have always believed. Tama leaves behind a life lived well so she could indulge her passions and gather anyone she could into a fragrant hug. If she could have I am sure she would have wished all of us who have known her to have a great rest of your life. That s is how I will move beyond my morose feelings of the last day or so. I will strive to have a great rest of my life and the next time I smell an amazing tuberose perfume I will think to myself, “Tama would’ve loved this one.”

–Mark Behnke

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Posted on by in Editorial, Mark Behnke and tagged , .
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I have been part of many enthusiast communities on the internet. I have always thought they were special groups of people. Over the past few days the group of perfume lovers who connect digitally all over the world have flown into action and shown that they are ready to help in any way they can.

The unfortunate reason which precipitated this outpouring was the announcement that my former colleague at CaFleureBon Tama Blough has terminal cancer. I have known Tama for years but it was only this past March that we actually met in person at Esxence in Milan. I thought how funny it was we both had to travel to Europe to finally meet. Tama was the same in person as she was electronically. A warm presence always smiling. I got a kick out of watching her meet some of her favorite perfumers and then communicate that in her daily post for CaFleureBon. I remembered my first trip to Esxence and the doors it opened up for me and was thrilled to see Tama opening her own doors. I knew she would create personal relationships that would last. She has done that for years as the organizer of her hometown SF Sniff and has created a local community of perfume lovers who regularly met up to go sniff perfume.

As the word of her illness was revealed late last week one of those local people Nina Zolotow took it upon herself, with Tama’s permission, to rally the perfume community to help by starting a Give Forward donation site called Tama Blough’s Cancer Fundraiser. In just five days it has raised $12,000 of its $20,000 goal. That money is critical to Tama’s ability to face her cancer on her own terms, in her own home, surrounded by the things she loves and her cat Buster. As someone who works within the cancer community I know the importance of keeping a hold of all of the things you love in life and allowing that to raise your spirits. I believe Tama also has to be drawing strength from the level of genuine love that has been displayed. Not only by donations to her website but different efforts to raise money using perfume as the vehicle. There are multiple sale threads on Facebook where people are selling their unwanted bottles and donating what they sell those bottle for. Perfumer Tanja Bochnig of April Aromatics and CaFleureBon Editor-in-Chief Michelyn Camen have made a limited edition perfume called San Francisco Rose which can be purchased here. Dawn Spencer Hurwitz is donating 15% of the sales for her The PLP Project perfumes; Peace, Love, and Perfume.

So often when a person is facing a terminal disease there is a reaction by many to pull away to not want to face the inevitable. What makes me proud to be part of the perfume community is from all parts of the world it has come together to give Tama a virtual hug. We can only hope that Tama allows that love and caring to help her through the difficult times ahead.

–Mark Behnke